Life's Little Adventures

No baby yet, but soon we hope!

2009-05-11T11:45:00.003-05:00

This will probably be a post where I ramble, so many thoughts are in my head. I'm sitting here having contractions. If you've never experienced them, they are lot's of fun, let me tell you. But, they are sporadic and that is not conducive to active labor :( I know it can't go on forever, but when you are 9 months pregnant, huge and uncomfortable, it feels like forever!! I suppose I should enjoy this time right now though, as they will only get worse in order to get her out. Yikes. And then I'll have a baby to care for. I have a dr appt tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. I'm ready to meet my little girl! And I'm sure Brad is ready to get rid of his cranky hormonal wife. Sorry honey!

My sister took me to get a manicure and pedicure on Sat. for an early birthday present. It was nice and now my nails look all pretty for the dr's and nurses in delivery. The baby needs to come soon though, because I seem to be good at chipping them.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. This was #5 without my Mom....and it gets easier, but it sucks still. It's just a day to remember what I don't have. Especially when you are about to give birth to your first child, and wish the person who gave birth to you was here. All the hormones don't help I guess. I hope it will be different when I have this baby to celebrate with every year.

Other than that, I'm ready (well, as ready as I can be!) for a baby. I'm technically already on maternity leave as far as my clients at work know (my co-worker is handling it all), although I'm working up until I'm in labor. Brad and Ray cleaned and organized the house really well this weekend. The baby stuff is all done and car seat all set. I'm terrified of labor though. The closer it gets and the more contractions I have, how am I going to make it? I know women have been doing this forever, but me and pain? We're not friends. And then there's the small detail that once she's here....what do I do? I know Brad will be great, he assures me he's an expert since he has a kid already :) I just don't want to suck as a Mom.

So, we are ready Baby Girl, anytime you'd like to meet us would be great (the sooner the better!)

One year down...

2009-03-17T13:27:00.006-05:00

Brad and I celebrated our 1st anniversary on Friday, 3/13/09. I can't believe we've been married a year already! It's been quite the year too, mostly good though :)

Brad was very sweet to me. I have to say that while he does do nice things for me, usually they are of the non-romantic variety so this was a nice surprise. He picked me up from work with a dozen roses and a card. In the card he explained he had tried to find my hair stylist to get a (desperately needed) haircut appt. set up for me. After walking into 5 salons, he found the one she worked at, but she wasn't in so he left a msg for her. I thought it was incredibly sweet that he went to all that trouble! Anyway, our anniversary dinner was a surprise to me....the Melting Pot. Yum, I love this place. We had a nice relaxing 2.5 hr dinner and enjoyed ourselves. I love my husband! For his gift I got him tickets to the Twins season opener. He foiled my surprise a couple days early though-- they came in the mail and his big kid curiousity got the better of him..he wanted to know what I got from the Twins. He thought I might have won something :) Oh well, I tried!

On to today, St. Patrick's Day. It was always a celebration in our household with my Irish mother. My Dad was not a lick of Irish though and today is the 2nd anniversary of his death. We decided my Mom must've picked this day to have Dad join her--maybe she was having a party or something? I miss them both so much and it makes me sad to know that they will never hold my baby and she'll never get to meet them. But I know they are up there celebrating and will celebrate their youngest daughter's baby-- their 14th grandchild!-- with us in 2 short months (yikes!) when this little one arrives!

Valentine's Day....

2009-02-16T18:20:00.004-06:00

We celebrated Valentine's day last night. Brad scored lot's of points! He made me close my eyes when he led me in...he had set up our living room with candles and lit a fire. He started with a salad,then cooked us steak, shrimp and potatoes. For dessert he had made cookies, then added ice cream and drizzled chocolate on top. It was all so yummy, and so sweet! Especially since romance is not usually his thing (that's why I had to post about it, so I can remember it)I'm definitely a lucky girl, awwwww.

Then today, I had to go for my 27 wk dr. appt. Good times. I had to drink the orange stuff (flat orange pop--I hear this is the improved version-yuck!) for the gluocse test, get a rhogam shot because I'm RH negative, and be checked for cervical cancer. I have to wait for the blood results for gestational diabetes--hoping I pass and don't have to go back and do the 3 hr test! But, no cancer cells found so that's good. I did gain a bunch of weight and am measuring ahead though...this baby is going to be huge! No wonder I can no longer breathe easily or sleep at all! All worth it though in the end. Her room is coming along, just need a few more things and then baby! Can't believe I'm in the 3rd tri, yikes!

Time is flying by

2009-02-03T11:24:00.003-06:00

Life has been a bit hectic lately. I'm now 6 months pregnant and getting huge! Not sure this whole pregnancy thing is my cup of tea. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful to be able to be carrying my child, especially after experiencing a loss. But I have no idea how my mother did this 8 times, and I wish she were here so I could ask her! A good night's sleep is something I vaguely remember...I guess it's God's way of prepping me for the sleepless nights with a baby. So I should expect to go back to sleeping well in what, like 18 years, right? Ha. Brad has been busy in the baby's room. We had decided to keep the walls the same (tan/khaki, or as Behr refers to it brown teepee). He knows how much I love polka dots and wanted to make the room more girly, so he drew different size circles on 2 of the walls and painted them chocolate brown, pink and white. It turned out so cute, I love it! Some day I will figure out how to post pics. He's also busy working on a closet organizer system. He has more time now since he's unemployed and looking for a job. He has been doing some side jobs so that's helping with the bills, but I'm still nervous and trying not to worry. Anyway, everything else is just same ole, same ole. Except I'm watching my feet slowly disappear as I look down. Oompa loompas are cute, right???

Halfway there!

2008-12-30T14:52:00.003-06:00

I'm 20 wks pregnant today, woo hoo!! I can't believe in 20 wks or so there will be a little person in our house that we are completely responsible for. I've wanted to be a mommy my whole life...but now that it's getting close, it's starting to be scary!! AND, we found out last week it's a girl! She is healthy...and stubborn like her father, HA. Ok, maybe she got a little bit of that stubborness from me too :) We got some cute stuff for Christmas..now she just needs to have the room cleaned out so there is a place for it all. We are talking about names...but that we will be kept a secret until she's here. I don't want anyone else's opinion!! Chilli is still doing well too...although he's in for a shock when the little one arrives I'm sure. Hopefully he does well with her and doesn't try to turn all her things into his toys--he has plenty!

Baby update....

2008-11-18T08:28:00.003-06:00

We got to hear the heartbeat of our baby yesterday for the first time. It was amazing! I had a pit in my stomach the whole day waiting for our appt. So, we are at 14 wks and counting!! I can't believe I've made it this far. There is always the fear that something will happen, but it's starting to feel real that we are really going to have this baby and I'm going to be a mommy! And, knock on wood, the nausea and puking I've had for the last 8 wks seems to be slowing down. I actually feel halfway normal! It feels good.

We also scheduled our big ultrasound for Dec. 23rd!!! We will know for Christmas if it's a boy or girl. I'm thinking girl, and that's what most of the old wives tales say as well. We'll see!

It's been awhile....

2008-10-21T16:22:00.004-05:00

So, after what seemed like forever (6 months of trying), it appears I'm pregnant again!!!! YAY! We went in for the 2nd time today, and the little peanut is still growing and still has a heartbeat. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is. We are 10 weeks along. We found out at 3 wks, 5days since I'm a bit impatient. I can't believe it's been 6 wks already! Morning sickness started at 6 wks and is still going. Either puking or feeling like I have to--good times let me tell you!! Brad is waiting to get his wife back...I've been holding down the bed for quite some time now :)

We haven't told our families yet. It's scary letting it out there after a loss, like if we tell, the other shoe will drop. I know that is silly, but it is so scary. I want to be happy and excited, and some days I am. Other days the fear just creeps in... I feel a wierd twinge and suddenly I think something is wrong. I think it is getting better since we've seen the baby a couple times now, but anything can happen. I should probably quit reading, I get too many ideas of what could happen. I'm due on 5/19/09....just 5 days after my birthday. It will be fun to see when the baby actually arrives. We will hopefully get to find out right before Christmas if it is a boy or girl. I can't wait for that day!

In other news, our puppy is getting huge! He weighs 30 lbs now, and is getting taller. He's still a good boy, although the poor thing has been a bit neglected as far as walks go- I've been glued to my bed or near a toilet for awhile. I'm hoping I get some energy soon....especially since it is getting colder and I know he won't like winter walks. He hates to go out when it rains!

"Chilli"

2008-08-07T14:11:00.004-05:00

We did it...Brad and I are now the proud parents of a "baby"! We added an 8 wk old boxer puppy to our family on Wed. night! He is adorable. We named him Chilli Dog, Chilli for short. So far he's been a pretty good dog. I love the puppy stage! He's been to work with me the last couple days and has been mostly good, my co-workers love him too :) His paws are huge, so I'm sure he'll be a big boy (which will be quite a change from the little cocker spaniels I grew up with). He looks like he has 4 knee high socks on, and a black patch over one eye. Now on to training (that's Brad's department!)

Yay for Holiday Weeks!!

2008-07-03T12:11:00.004-05:00

This isn't much of a post, as my mind is on vacation! Tomorrow is the 4th of July. So that makes today "Friday"...woo hoo! I love short work weeks. We don't have a big exciting weekend planned, and I have to work my second job, but at least I get tomorrow off!

So, my husband read my first post below and thinks I sound a bit bitter. I don't think I'm a bitter person, at least I'm trying not to be. But it is so hard, when another month goes by and I'm not pregnant. 4 months has gone by so quickly.....what if getting pregnant was a fluke and it doesn't happen again? I realize stressing out about it is probably not helping, and that plenty of people have been trying longer than us. But, I'm a worrier by nature so that's what I'm doing.

Sooooo..... bring on the distractions, right? We've gone back and forth about getting a dog for awhile now. I decided yesterday, it's what I need to get my mind off of having a baby. I know they are a ton of work, but I also think dogs are worth it. We are on the hunt for a puppy! Brad has always wanted a bulldog, but we've compromised on a boxer. I can't wait!

Jumping on the bandwagon and starting a blog...

2008-06-27T08:46:00.008-05:00

I'm finally taking the plunge and starting a blog. I've been writing in journals since I was a little girl, however not faithfully, so this may be a once in a while thing! I'll start a few months back...my husband Brad and I got married in March on a beautiful sunny day. It wasn't the wedding of my childhood dreams, because it was missing my parents (Mom died of cancer in 2004 and Dad died of a heart attack in 2007). But, it was our wedding, and I'm happy with the way it turned out. One week prior to our wedding though, was one of the hardest days of my life. It was the day of my D&C to take the remains of our baby who had died out of me.

It started back in November when we decided to start "not trying" for a baby. I was so happy/excited/scared when we found out in January we were going to be parents! Brad was just as excited, maybe more. Being from a big family and seeing my siblings have kids has always made me excited for the day when I would get to be a mommy. Brad wanted to tell the whole world right away. Me on the other hand, was so freaked out. It happened so quickly and I was terrified that something bad would happen. We compromised, and he told his brother that night. I didn't realize how hard it would be to keep such a secret in, and we had soon told all of our family and close friends. I was only a little over 4 wks when we found out. I made the doctor's appointment, and was disappointed to find out that they usually schedule the first prenatal visit at 9-10 wks. The weeks went by with me as a nervous wreck. I have a sister that had a miscarriage, a brother and sister in law that have gone through multiple miscarriages and a few others too, so my pessimistic side worried it would happen to us. However, I had morning, noon, and night sickness (I would like to have a word with whoever coined the term "morning" sickness--morning my ass!) was bloated, exhausted and moody so I figured that all meant I'd be fine.

The day for our first appt on 3/4/08 finally came. I was so nervous waiting to go into the dr's office, and Brad kept telling me to relax and saying everything was going to be fine. The first visit is with the nurse practioner, and she was so kind. She first did an external ultrasound, and when there was just black on the screen, I knew immediately something was wrong. My heart started to beat fast, I had seen enough 10 wk ultrasounds to know something was not right. She said it was ok, sometimes dates are off and that they can't always see it externally, so she did the internal ultrasound next. Nothing. I was in shock, how could this happen? I didn't have any bleeding or cramping, nothing telling me something was wrong. I sat there in my own fog while the nurse started telling us she wasn't an expert at ultrasound technology and wanted us to go to the hospital to confirm. I spaced everything she was saying out and then the tears came. It was just not fair.

The rest of the night was a blur. We went and had the ultrasound at the hospital and waited for the dr to call. She confirmed it was what they call a missed miscarriage, or in medical terms a missed abortion (what a crappy medical term for something that was not my choice!) She gave me 3 options: I could wait to miscarry naturally, take some meds to induce the bleeding (which doesn't always work and sometimes ends up in a d&c anyway), or have a D&C. After much thought, I decided on the D&C. With our wedding just a week away, I wanted it to be over, even if going into surgery scared the crap out of us. One of the dr's ended up fitting me in on 3/6 for the surgery after she found out our wedding was coming up. The surgery was supposed to be quick and easy, in and out. I should know better, with my luck! After the first D&C, with me still a bit out of it from the drugs the dr came to talk to us. The tissue they had taken from me wasn't the fetal tissue, so I needed to have it done again! They said I had a tipped uterus so when the dr thought she had reached the correct spot, she hadn't after all. This 2nd time she'd go in with a scope in order to see (why they don't do this the first time I have NO idea). So after an 8 hr ordeal at the hospital, we got to go home. The days/weeks after are a blur for me...I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was so sad, and just when I thought I didn't have any tears left I would start again. Pregnant women and babies were everywhere and seemed to come out of the woodwork. Our wedding was a nice distraction, and our honeymoon after a nice break. But for me, everything was tinged with a bit of sadness and that sucks. I'd lost both my parents, why did I have to lose our baby too?

Fast forward to now, almost July. My body is still a bit screwed up from everything. Having a baby is something that you just expect will happen when you want it to, and it's a hard lesson to learn that you are not in control. And I could've saved a LOT of money on birth control now that I think about it!

People with well meaning suggestions, or what they think are well meaning, drive me crazy. Unless you've experienced a miscarriage, the only words you can really say are I'm sorry. Saying it was God's plan, or something was wrong with the baby--you don't want a retarded baby do you (yes, someone said this to me!), it wasn't the right time for you, just chill and be patient and it'll happen are so insensitive! Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I got so many of these comments and others I had to bite my tongue a lot. There is nothing anyone can say to make it better, just like when my parents died. It's one of those things in life that just sucks and you figure out how to make it through. But, we are continuing our journey to become parents, and hopefully it happens soon!